For No One

Darkw00d

Here is my story. I am a guy, so just to go ahead and say, I am sorry for all of you who have problems with other guys... Most of us are really, really stupid (literally).

My story is very unusual, but hey, what can I say. All my life, I have know this guy who is a year older than me, and he is home schooled. I consider him one of my best friends, considering how long we have known each other and how close we are. So over the years, we started drifting away, and I didn't see him much... He is home schooled and I go to a private school, so it was likely to happen. Two years ago, his whole family was in a car accident. I was really worried about them, since I still thought of him as a good friend. After the car accident, we started hanging out again, just because. The first time I went to his house since I was 9, was right after the car accident for his birthday. I was there, and so was his sister. I had known her my whole life, and never have I ever been attracted to her, nevertheless have a cared about her. I was suddenly shocked at how attracted I really was to her, but I have never cared much about girls then (I'm not gay, I just don't believe in dating until your actually getting old enough to marry). I had been attracted to a couple, but it was only the kind of attraction that wares off in a few days. As for her, it didn't ware off, and it hasn't. She is the only girl I find attractive. I shook it off though, mainly because I knew that they didn't date, and their family believes in arranged marriage or something, so I tried to just forget it. However, as I went to his house more and more, I got to know her better and better, and I started to realize I weren't going to his house just to hang out with my friend. I started hanging out with his sister while I was there, and I got to know her very well. I met most of her friends, and the whole time nobody ever knew I had feelings for her. I would look at her reflection in the TV when I was watching movies with their family, and I thought about what an amazing person she was, because she was so talented, smart, and she was even great with kids, considering how many are in her family. She is the only girl in their family. I slowly started noticing that my attraction to her was growing much stronger, but she hadn't changed... I realized I was starting to fall in love with who she was, rather than what she was. She is the only friend that I have that is a girl, and I now realize that I have fallen in love with her. She is the only girl I have ever thought was beautiful, more on the inside than out. I started thinking about her all the time... I would think about how much prettier she was than all the girls in my class, and how much more fun she was to be around than my guy friends. I started convincing myself that she liked me. I was the happiest person in the world for that first year... Then the second year came. I was almost ready to tell her I cared about her, because of all of the signs and flirts pointing to the fact she liked me. I came back one day, this time I was 13. I looked forward to seeing her. When I got there, I started playing a game with her brother. She saw, and asked if she could play. However, when we started playing, she refused to stand next to me, because the game requires to hold hands. After she refused to hold hands, my world sank. My last two years were shattered, and reality struck me like a bolt of lightning. I suddenly recalled every doubt, and all the signes that she liked me were somehow excused in my mind as "coincidences". I was so sad, I went crazy. I created a version of her in my mind that loved me. I started having delusions of this alternate her I had created, exactly like her but with one difference: she loved me back. I managed to let go of that though. Now, I realize that it's just how things are. Recently, I found out their family was going to have another child. I asked God (I'm a Christian) to let the child be a boy if I just needed to forget about her, and let the child be a girl If she loved me. Sure enough, it was a girl. However, I still didn't believe that she loved me, so I have given up. I have decided that all my life, I will never fall in love with anyone. I am 14 now, and still greatly in love with her. I love her more than anything on this Earth, and I have concluded that she will simply never know that. All my life I will love her, and all my life, she will never know. I love her so much, I am going to stay out if her way. I love her so much, I am going to let her go because it is the best thing for her.

I will always love her, and she will never know. Not a day in her life..

"You want her, you need her, and yet you don't believe her when she says her love is dead, you think she needs you. And in her eyes you see nothing: no sign of love behind the tears: cried for no one, a love that should have lasted years" -"For No One", The Beatles

Sorry for wasting your time, God Bless.

-Dark Wood

Tags: love, unloved, away

- bryce bihag